


Fading

by TheRomanticist02



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRomanticist02/pseuds/TheRomanticist02
Summary: It's Christmas Eve - a day that's supposed to be filled with love, gratitude and happiness. Xavier feels like Randy is fading off.
Relationships: Randy Orton/Xavier Woods | Consequences Creed
Kudos: 25





	Fading

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've been able to finish in like a month (I guess I gotta thank Jhene Aiko for that). Writing is the worst, yo. The words refuse to comply on paper, but the visual is there, LOL. Hopefully, it gets better because...because...yeah. 
> 
> Also, this is from The Royals Consort - flashbacks to their relationship.

Xavier blames himself for this one. It was his idea that he and Randy spend their first Christmas together with his family, stemming from his stupid inability to let things be. Yes, Randy can’t be blamed. Not when he’d warned Xavier, tried everything in his power to discourage the younger man’s insistence on meeting his family. Xavier knows why, he’s seen hints of it, in Randy – in his behavior, on his body. The attitude, the scars, the violence. He _knows_ but he still wanted to go, because everyone deserves second chances, and families can’t be irreparably toxic, right?

_Wrong._

Perhaps it’d been Xavier’s kindhearted nature. His naïve desire to do good, even just a little deed, if it meant brightening someone else’s day. _If it meant brightening Randy’s day._ Perhaps it’d been his desire to see the man he loves happy. To give Randy something that he knows is important to him. Or maybe it’d been his misplaced, uncharacteristic nosiness. Hearing Randy talk to his father all the time, but never once being offered the opportunity to talk to him.

Part of him thinks it’s the latter. A year later and still not knowing what his man’s _father_ – or any of his family – sounds like or even looks like did something to him. Made him feel things that he didn’t want to. Unsure; insecure; nosy; forceful. They’ve had arguments about this, Xavier feeling temporary – like Alexa was, like she’d told him he would be – because Randy knows _everything_ about him, his family, had met them within six months of dating but when it was his turn to return the favor...nothing. 

Fed up, Xavier, he thinks it’s the reason he’d suggested this trip so badly – almost desperately. To ensure that he wasn’t a dirty secret,something only meant for a good fuck, but not to be introduced to a family. It’s all Xavier had wanted, for the past year, he thinks it’s only fair. But with all that previous, desperate longing, he can’t help regretting it all now. With everything that’s happened the last twenty-four hours. He’s not sure what he’d been expecting but it definitely isn’t what he was met with last night. A tense dinner. Racial slurs. Violence – a stinging slap that he can still feel across his cheek. Humiliation. Cracked plates and dishes. Father against son. A relationship already strained – further damaged by him, his presence.

Xavier had left Randy’s childhood home in a stumble, trying to keep up with his boyfriend’s fast-paced walking, and doing his best to hold things together. In their hotel room, he’d had to be the strong one again – for the first time in their relationship. Destroyed furniture this time, hurled around the entire bedroom. Walls stained with blood, courtesy of Randy’s fists. Furious but silent accusations _. I told you this was a bad idea. I knew this would happen, I knew it. Is this what you wanted? Christ, why don’t you ever listen, doll?_

Randy hadn’t been telling a lie. If only Xavier had let things be. If he hadn’t allowed his stupid _fears and insecurities_ to get to him they would be happy, in Tampa, tucked away from the viciousness of the world. There wouldn’t have been a need to hold Randy all through the night, hugging him tightly, apologizing over and over again. Xavier wouldn’t have had to know what Randy’s cries sound like – how child-like and dejected they are. He wouldn’t have had to see Randy’s walls crumble, revealing the little boy who can’t seem to do anything right.

Last night, Xavier had held Randy through it all. Touching his scars. The cracks within. Doing his best to help mend every fracture, even the small, neglected ones. And with trembling fingers, and uncharacteristically guileless touches had Randy lost himself in Xavier. Buried deep inside the younger man, and hidden from any and everything that could hurt him – his father, his family, the world.

All through the night, Xavier had held the man he loves, running his fingers in short brown hair, looking into Randy’s eyes and murmuring ‘you deserve love’, ‘you’re mine, R-Randal, I want you. I think you’re perfect, just as you are.’ and ‘I love you’ as Randy took him again and again, thrusting deep enough it hurt, his haunted look gradually disappearing from his steely eyes.  
  
The love wasn’t hard to find, it had been there _–_ tangible. Along with the other things; the passion, the desperation, the need. Xavier didn’t want it to end...  
  


Today...today, Xavier woke up alone _–_ stiff and sore. The entire morning and afternoon, he spent alone. Christmas Eve – a day that should’ve been laced with gratitude and happiness. Xavier had spent it hiding from the world instead, with nothing but the damaged walls to keep him company. Randy returned late into the evening, maybe eight, Xavier doesn’t remember. Only thing that kept running through his mind was the emotional turmoil, how it felt like Randy was slipping through his fingers, like they didn’t have much time.

All his fault.

A fact Xavier had realized a little too late. Because should an ultimatum arise, Xavier can’t see Randy choosing him over his family, his blood, his _identity –_ he’s a proud Orton through and through...sometimes stupidly. And hurt as it may, Xavier doesn’t think he’d be comfortable with putting Randy in such a predicament. He wouldn’t want to burden Randy with that hefty task. Never mind that he could come up with an entire argument on why he’d be worthier. He’s not violent. Not contemptuous. Or toxic. Or selfish. He’s been here, through it all, even when he had every reason to leave.

Strolling downtown Knoxville, with Randy beside him, Xavier uses the opportunity to memorize everything about this night _–_ even if it does feel like there are upcoming nights _,_ where his only desire will be to forget everything about tonight _–_ and appreciates every little thing. The snow licking at his skin. The lights and garlands that are creating a magical Winter Wonderland. The restaurants, bakeries, the coffeeshops, the boutiques. Swiftly, he avoids the groups of people that are talking above each other, laughing and having the time of their lives. He clumsily collides into Randy, and retreats as if he were touching hot water. “Sorry.” A mindless, abrupt apology.

Maybe it’s a fragment of Xavier’s imagination, but Randy’s acknowledgement of his apology seems just as detached as Xavier’s apology had been.

They’re slowly losing each other.

This is how it starts, isn’t? The beginning of the end. With the little, and maybe inconspicuous things. Randy didn’t hold any doors for him today. He hates PDA but lately Xavier would feel feather light touches against his back, sometimes on a really, really good day even around his shoulders. Or is it the other intangible but significant things? Like missing someone right beside you? Or the way they’ve barely said much of anything to each other. Maybe it’s in the way Xavier feels like he's walking beside a complete stranger. He can’t help but wonder though; if these changes always happen like this. So abruptly. So easily. A connection fading back to fragility. Xavier can’t be sure, what with his inexperience in the love and feelings department. But he can’t help thinking it’s all so unfair – after... _everything._

He wonders if it’ll get better or how long it’ll take. He wonders if he’d _want_ it to get better – because what if getting better means _forgetting_? Every joke, every laugh, every smile, the conversations, the unhurried kisses, the desperate hugs, the soothing love making. He doesn’t want to forget. Not now, not ever.

But he also wasn’t created to be selfish, it’s a trait he doesn’t possess. There’s a reason he’d let Randy be, back with Alexa, there’s a reason he hadn’t poked and prodded. It’s what he should’ve done last night, he shouldn’t have compelled them to come here, to cause all these problems.

Maybe, maybe when they get back to the hotel – maybe he should, if he can just –

Xavier allows the chaotic energy of a preadolescent boy who crashes past him to momentarily distract him. To keep his heart from shattering into a million pieces. Pulling his beanie down, to shield his sensitive ears from the cold, his chest aches as he hears Randy’s teasing voice in his head, babying him as he tasks himself with fixing Xavier’s beanie himself, mindful of the younger man’s lustrous curls.

“Beep, beep.” A blank voice captures Xavier’s attention. He averts his gaze in front of him to find Randy doing a robotic walk. Like Xavier’s seen him do a few times whenever they’d watch his favorite RoboCop movie. His hands rest on his waist, leaving an empty space in between his arms and hands for Xavier to link their arms – at least that’s what Xavier thinks, if he’s reading Randy correctly. 

_One last time. For old time’s sake._ Although reluctant – because nothing seems less appealing than having Randy act ‘generous’ out of pity or guilt – Xavier still links their arms, almost curls into Randy, out of instinct, drawn to his dangerous aura.

Together, they continue walking, strolling the streets. Xavier doesn’t want it to end, doesn’t want to go back to the hotel. The hotel, where he’ll probably meet his end. The hotel. He bites his bottom lip, tugging on Randy’s arm a little tighter, a possible anchor. His heart aches. And if he had the strength, he’d be mad at himself – no matter how useless it would’ve been. This, this was inevitable. He just sped up the process. Eventually, Randy would’ve needed to introduce him to his family. The response, it would’ve most likely been the same – and Randy, he’d have probably made the decision that he’ll make now. Family is very important.

Xavier looks up at Randy curiously as the older man pauses outside an lgbt bar. There is a small crowd waiting to enter, a few of them looking all loved up. The song blasting inside still reaches their ears. Xavier only knows it because Randy seems stuck in the eighties. Movies. Books. _Music._ Especially music. ‘Love My Way’ by The Psychedelic Furs penetrates the air, blending perfectly with the chaotic atmosphere around them.

Randy starts to dance, totally out of character, but Xavier knows he loves this song. And when he pulls Xavier to him, the younger man doesn’t protest, just follows whatever Randy’s doing – maybe a tad more gracefully, he is studying dance after all. Using the opportunity to memorize again, Xavier commits the smile on Randy’s lips to memory, his manly scent (he _always_ smells so good), the jump of his heart, the boyish, naughty glint in his eyes. It doesn’t surprise him when Randy starts singing, so horrendously that Xavier can’t help giggling, right hand folding behind the taller man’s neck, left one futilely attempting to cover Randy’s mouth. “Randal, stop. Everyone’s looking at us weirdly.”

“Love my way, it’s a new road.” Randy continues, although he sounds drunk now, gaze locked onto Xavier’s. He’s moving slow, unhurried, grasping Xavier’s waist firmly, swaying them side to side. Chewing anxiously on his lower lip, Xavier focuses on the man looking down at him with clear love, choosing to ignore the hundreds of spectators. He wants to kiss Randy, is afraid to, this could be the last time –

His thoughts always become a fuzzy mess when Randy kisses him. Xavier tries to pull away, not wanting a trickle of hope to flare alive. This morning, he woke up and Randy wasn’t there. Last night, Randy had indirectly blamed him for his family’s behavior. Tonight, he’d barely said a word to Xavier – nothing except a, ‘get dressed, we’re going out.’ No explanation on his whereabouts, no apologizes.

“Randal, stop.” With a soft sigh, Xavier attempts to pull away again, whimpering beneath Randy’s lips – so unsure if he genuinely wants Randy to stop or not. Especially as he runs his hands down Randy’s back, feeling the strong material of his jacket roll beneath his hands. “Enough, _please._ Let me go.”

With a push, that’s much harder than he’d intended – surprising both him and Randy – Xavier walks away. He needs to clear his thoughts, to really think things through. Maybe, maybe he can – break things off before Randy, beat him to it. He can feel himself breaking, immediately the thought crosses his mind again – the unmistakable feeling of grief washing over him, making it hard for him to breathe.

A turn into a deserted alley, and Xavier has to stop, and anchor himself against the wall. The putrid smells abuse his nostrils but that’s the last thing on his mind. His fingers tremble as he clutches his chest, willing his heart to stop beating so hard. In the soft light, brought by the street lamp, he can see Randy approaching, almost warily.

Two final steps, and he’s right in front of Xavier, invading his personal space, like he does everything else. A pause. Anticipative silence. The only sound, another eighties melody in the distance.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, Xavier begins softly, “I’m not going to cry for you, Randal.” It’s stupid of course, a bit too late, he’s barely composed already, with his heart in pieces but he refuses to cry for this man. “I’m not going to let you break my h-heart.”

“You’re not going to let me break your heart,” Randy repeats, mouth tilted up, in the way it always does when he’s considering something – whether scornfully or the opposite, Xavier doesn’t know. He appears to be buying time. “Break your heart?” Randy says softly, dark brows furrowing, maybe it’s confusion that Xavier can see in his pale eyes, he can’t be sure, not with how their glow momentarily distracts him. “Break _your_ heart? Why, doll, you should know me better than that now.”

“Last night –”

“Don’t worry about last night...” Randy’s voice trails off, the conclusions inescapable, but Xavier won’t dare let himself hope. Wouldn’t it be selfish of him...? Randy’s hand trails down his cheek, a gentle roughness against the smooth of Xavier’s skin. “All of it doesn’t matter.” He continues in a quiet tone, filled with conviction. “I realize that now.”

“What?” Xavier glances up at him, heart hammering too loudly, Randy can probably hear it’s unsteadiness. He has no way of stopping it.

“You’re so important to me, doll.” Randy replies softly, his arms wrap around Xavier. “More than anything in the world, more than _anyone_ in the world. _You’re_ important to me. I, uh, you know I – am uh, _inlovewithyou._ ”

Perhaps it’s the wrong time, but Xavier giggles, like his heart wasn’t breaking apart less than five minutes ago. The smile on Randy’s face heals him, and he wants to keep it there forever for the rest of his life. Part of him wishes he could, desperately. Because he’s in love with this man, and would do anything to make him happy. “What are we going to do?” he fists on Randy’s jacket, torn. “I don’t want you to let me go,” a soft whisper, tears brimming in Xavier’s eyes at the realization. “But I’d understand, family is...I couldn’t imagine my life without my parents, my cousins – I love them all so much.”

“I love my family, too. Crazy, but I do.” Randy admits, pressing his forehead to Xavier’s. “But I am _inlove_ with you. And I don’t want to let you go.”

“Then don’t.”

“I won’t.” A kiss to Xavier’s forehead. Randy cups his cheeks, presses a kiss to his lips, his cheeks, nose, his eyelids, eyebrows, his forehead again. “Look at me.” A quiet instruction, Xavier abides. Warm brown eyes lock on cold blue – perfect opposites. “I am _not_ letting you go. Not today.” Another peck to soft lips. “Or tomorrow.” Peck. “Or the day after that.” Peck. “Or the one after that.” Peck. “Or the one after that.” Peck. “And certainly not the one after the day after –”

Xavier’s index finger plants itself against Randy’s lips. “Forever?” he queries, not minding the idea at all.

“Forever,” again, Randy repeats Xavier’s words, teasingly. “Until you get tired of me.”

With a shake of his head, Xavier protests at the blasphemy of it all. “Never!”

“Never?” teasing, again.

Leaning forward, Xavier pours all he feels as he kisses Randy, standing on his tiptoes and hugging the taller man’s neck tightly. This kiss lasts forever, a silent declaration, vow, between the two of them. And although they still have a lot to talk about, Xavier can’t bring himself to focus on anything than what is happening now, this moment. The snow falling around them. The denim of Randy’s jacket _–_ rough beneath his touch, but not disguising the beat of Randy’s heart. The feel of his arms _–_ safe, secure, solid _–_ his _home._ “Never.” Again, Xavier repeats, with a certainty that entirety of him agrees on.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
